Smoke & Secrets Chapter 2

My body went rigid.

If it were any other voice, I might have looked up out of curiosity.

But this voice... it had haunted my nightmares for the past five years.

In the dark nights where I relied on melatonin to sleep, Julian's voice would echo in my mind.

"Chloe, you're too good. I'm going to corrupt you."

"Chloe, try it. Girls who smoke look cool. I want to see a different side of you."

Under his coaxing, I fell. I learned.

Starting sophomore year, I went from one of Julian's many admirers to his hookup buddy. Eventually, I beat out the sorority queens and became his girlfriend for three years.

The day he accepted my confession, the weather was terrible. The wind was howling.

He had just dropped off a senior girl back at her dorm. His car was idling downstairs.

His hand, elegant and long-fingered, hung out the window, holding a cigarette.

I wrapped my coat tighter, went downstairs, and knocked on his window. relying on the tiny bit of special treatment he showed me, I confessed.

In that moment, the wind seemed to stop. It felt like a movie paused on a single frame.

I waited for his answer.

Julian turned to look at me, brought the cigarette to his lips, his dark eyes bottomless yet fatally attractive.

Like I was possessed, I leaned in and took the cigarette from his mouth with my own. My lips brushed his fingers. He didn't pull away.

His playful expression shifted to acquiescence. He only said one thing:

"The good girl isn't so good anymore."

At the time, I was drowning in love. I didn't understand the underlying meaning of those words.

It wasn't until graduation day, the last time we went to a hotel, the last time we met.

After the passion subsided, he skillfully handed me a cigarette.

"In the future, the woman I marry definitely won't be the type to smoke after sex."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and asked him why.

Julian smiled, smoke swirling around his fingers. His tone was serious.

"Chloe, I like them innocent."

Tears spun in my eyes, and I forgot how to breathe.

Innocent.

He said he liked them innocent.

But once, he complained that I was too pure, too well-behaved, that he didn't know where to start.

Years later, I finally understood.

Because I wasn't "good" anymore, I was automatically categorized into the "fun for now, but not for keeps" bin.