The Girl Left Behind Chapter 1

Everyone said with pity that I was an unwanted child.

Parents divorced since I was small, Dad didn't want me, Mom remarried, and the only Grandma who took care of me also passed away.

The year Grandma died, she left me $20.50 and an old house.

I walked out of the Appalachian Mountains relying on neighbors' charity meals, and completed my studies relying on financial aid.

During internship, I relied on my own efforts to get a decent job, became permanent directly upon graduation, and survived until now.

This year end, I finally paid off all debts, saved the first sum of money in my life.

The sound of New Year's fireworks rang, a new year arrived.

My terrible life should end, beautiful life I am coming!

* * *

The day Grandma was buried, everyone thought Mom would take me away.

After all, I was only thirteen, in this world, besides her, I had no relatives.

I thought so too, so I packed my schoolbag, standing at the door waiting for her.

But she carried her suitcase, went straight onto the Greyhound bus.

Until the bus disappeared at the end of the mountain road, she didn't look back at me once.

It seemed Mom didn't mention a word about my arrangement from coming back to leaving.

I went back into the house, subconsciously shouted.

"Grandma, I feel a bit sad."

Dead silence in the house.

I then suddenly realized, Grandma was buried in the ground.

From now on in this house, only me left.

Fear surged up like tide.

What should I do?

I sat on the threshold all night.

When dawn broke, I carried my schoolbag to school.

The Teach For America volunteer said, reading is the only way out of the mountains.

Mom doesn't take me, I walk myself.

Classmates looked at me with strange eyes.

"Why are you still here?"

"You wouldn't really be an unwanted child right?"

I didn't want to hear those pity words, even less want to see their mocking faces.

I straightened my back, lied loudly.

"Mom said transferring schools would affect grades, let me finish middle school in town then pick me up."

This reason was decent, blocked their mouths.

Life has to go on.

I can cook on the stove myself, fetch water to water vegetables in the garden.

Relying on the remaining rice at the bottom of Grandma's jar, and sweet potatoes in the field, I survived day after day.

Until that night, sound of smashing bowls came from next door.

Neighbor sister Sarah was crying, her dad was cursing.

Turns out dispute arose for a hundred dollars book fee.

I hid at the wall root listening, heart chilling waves after waves.

In two years I will go to high school.

High school is in county town, not free education, need pay tuition.

If can't take out money, will I also have no books to read?

Then what should I do?

Neighbor sister gave me the answer.

Next day before dawn, she left.

She carried that backpack washed white.

Before it held textbooks, today it held change of clothes.

She was going to the south to work in factory, to earn money for family, earn money for brother's future.

I watched her back disappear in morning mist, heart uncomfortable like pricked by needles.

I can't be like her.

I want to study.

But where does money come from?

The hundred something dollars Grandma left, seemed can't last long.

Only Mom can give me money.

I remembered during Christmas, brother hugged stepfather acting spoiled.

"Dad Mom, I got 100 on test, I want remote control car."

Mom smiled eyes curved, bought him most expensive toy next day.

If I also get 100?

If I rank first in whole school?

Will Mom see my worthiness, give me a little tuition fee?

Even if just for face in front of relatives.

I seemed to grab a life-saving straw.

This semester, I studied like crazy.

Class during day, brush questions under candle light at night, pinch my own thigh when sleepy.

Final exam, I really took first in whole school.

Villagers were all stunned.

"Wild girl no one cares, can still test first?"

"Farming and studying, really smoke from ancestral grave."

Neighbor aunt cracked sunflower seeds teasing me:

"Take the certificate to show your mom, maybe buy you a set of new clothes for New Year."

I looked down at myself.

This is black cotton coat Grandma wore before death.

Cuffs worn out, revealing black yellow cotton wadding.

Couldn't help recalling, last time Mom bought me clothes, was seven years ago, when brother wasn't born, would bring me a set of big red coat for New Year.

Pity, now too small to wear.

These years, I always picked cousins' old clothes to wear.

This year Grandma left, relatives cut off contact, no one sent old clothes anymore.

I could only wrap in Grandma's clothes to pass winter.

Year end approached.

People working outside returned one after another.

Neighbor sister also came back, dressed very beautifully.

I guarded under the big locust tree at village entrance every day.

On Christmas Eve, snow fell heavily.

My hands and feet lost sensation from cold, eyelashes froze with ice.

Finally, that familiar and strange figure appeared.

She held that brother dressed fittingly, walking towards me deep one foot shallow one foot.