The Hide-and-Seek That Broke Us Chapter 1

The year I turned seven, my sister and I were playing hide-and-seek when the earthquake hit.

My parents pulled me from the rubble first. But the rescue teams searched for three days and three nights, and they never found where my sister was hiding.

My parents, their eyes red-rimmed and raw, demanded to know where she was. I could only stare back, numb and helpless, whispering, "I don't know... I don't know where Lily was hiding..."

After that day, my parents, who had always treated me like a princess, never smiled at me again.

This time, they were going to the site of the ruins to honor Lily’s memory. When I simply said I wanted to go with them, my mother broke down again.

"Get out!" she shrieked, her voice cracking. "It's all your fault! You and your stupid game of hide-and-seek killed your sister! You wanted to hide so badly? Fine! Get in!"

She grabbed me, her fingers digging into my arms, and shoved me into a large suitcase.

But she forgot. It was a combination-lock suitcase. Once it clicked shut, I couldn't push it open from the inside...

* * *

I curled up obediently, squeezing my body into the cramped, dark space of the suitcase.

Over the years, I’d gotten used to it. The suitcase had become my secret base. Whenever Mom’s grief boiled over and she started smashing things on the table, Dad would just give me a look, and I knew what to do. I’d climb in, pull the zipper shut, and pretend I couldn't hear a thing.

Just like hide-and-seek, I started counting, silently preparing to count to ten thousand, ten times over.

But this time, I didn't finish.

My limbs, twisted for so long, grew stiff and numb. My knees were pressed so hard against my chest that I could barely breathe. The stale air was thick and heavy. I clawed at the small gap near the zipper, but it wouldn't budge.

"Did you pack all of Lily's things in the case? I'll put it in the car."

Dad's voice. A spark of hope ignited in me. I thought, I'll apologize, I'll beg him to let me out.

But then the world tilted violently. I felt the suitcase being lifted, then flipped upside down. My body was hanging by my feet, the blood rushing to my head.

The feeling of suffocation was immediate and overwhelming. I instinctively thrashed, pounding my small fists against the inside of the case. But the lining was too thick, and I was too weak. The desperate gasps that escaped my lips were swallowed by the sound of my parents' voices.

"The spiritual advisor said we have to burn it all," Dad said, his voice heavy. "Her spirit is trapped. If we don't send her things with her, she can't move on."

"Don't you talk to me about that!" Mom's voice was a sharp, jagged thing. "Isn't this all because of Ella?! She's the one who killed Lily!"

"If she hadn't dragged Lily into that stupid game, would we at least have a body? My Lily… we couldn't even give her a proper burial..." Her voice trailed off into a choked sob, each word weighted with an unbearable pain.

My throat closed up. No sound would come out. Lily's death was an arrow lodged in our family’s heart, its tip fused with flesh and bone.

Inside the suffocating darkness, the air grew thin and foul. My head felt thick, my consciousness fading. In a daze, I thought I saw a little girl standing far away, calling out to me in a cheerful voice.

"Ella! Let's play hide-and-seek! I'm going to hide now!"

I froze. It was like muscle memory. My knees gave out, and I collapsed.

"No," I whimpered. "No more hide-and-seek... I'm sorry, Lily. It's my fault. I'm the one who killed you..."

The apology I had rehearsed a thousand times in my head while locked in this suitcase came out as a jumbled, incoherent mess. What I really wanted to say was, If I could, I would trade my life for hers. Just like Mom prayed for, over and over again.

When I looked up again, my soul was somehow floating outside the suitcase.

It wasn't Lily I saw in front of me, but my mother, her expression vacant. She was staring into space, muttering to herself.

"Do we really have to burn it all? Lily's things... her clothes, the doll I made for her... I dug them out of the rubble with my own hands..."

Her expression shifted, the sorrow twisting into a deep, consuming hatred. "It's all because of Ella. Lily is dead and can't even rest in peace because of her. Don't you think she was sent by God to punish me?"

She believed what the advisor had said—that a soul needs a complete body for a proper burial, and because of me, Lily’s spirit was trapped, unable to be reborn.

Dad’s knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel. He turned his head, his face a landscape of fatigue and wrinkles, his eyes sunken. Even his voice was drained of life.

"It's been so long. Like the advisor said, Lily needs to go where she belongs. And the living... we have to move on." He gave a bitter smile. "We can have another child. A family of three. A fresh start."

His tone was so casual, but the words made my soul tremble.

A family of three. Without me.

I was the thorn in my parents’ hearts they were desperate to pull out. I had always known. My face, so similar to my sister's, was a constant, painful reminder of the life I carried on my shoulders—hers.

That’s why, a few days ago, I had secretly visited several orphanages, mustering the courage to ask the directors if they took in new children.

But now, looking at my own transparent body, I thought, this is better.

If I'm dead, my parents won't have to see me and feel that pain. Maybe then, in their hearts, my sin could finally fade a little.