The Human Calculator Chapter 1

Ever since I was little, I’ve been called a human ledger. I never let anyone take a dime of advantage.

When the neighbor’s kid ruined my new sundress with a firecracker, I made sure his family couldn’t cook a peaceful meal for a week — they had to eat the overpriced delivery food I sent, complete with an "emotional distress" bill.

When a college group project fell apart, I calmly showed the receipts, pinning the blame so precisely on our slacking team leader that he ended up begging the professor not to fail him.

My parents called me a cold-blooded shark, worried I’d never find a husband. We fought badly. I moved out and didn’t look back for eight years.

Then, as a senior corporate mediator, I got a call from my mother, sobbing hysterically. "Tiana, come home! Your sister’s going to prison! Her boss is making her take the fall for three million in missing funds, and he and his mistress are suing her for harassment!"

Reading through my sister’s messy documents, a cold smile spread on my face.

The next morning, I slipped into their company conference room, stood before her bosses and colleagues, and opened my phone’s calculator with a bright smile.

"Hold on, everyone. Let’s settle the tab first — starting with the first artisanal latte my sister ever bought you."

* * *

When I kicked the conference room door wide open, I saw my sister surrounded by a pack of wolves.

Sophie had her head bowed. Her shoulders were trembling uncontrollably, looking like a little bird left out in a freezing storm.

A slicked-back, greasy looking man in a tailored suit was pointing a finger right in her face, spitting venom with every word.

"Sophie! You tanked this project yourself, and now you want to cry about it? This company isn't a charity! Nobody here is going to baby you!"

This charming guy was my sister's department manager, Marcus.

He caught sight of me and furrowed his brow. For a split second, he froze, clearly thrown off by how identical my face was to Sophie's.

Then, he waved his hand with sheer disgust.

"You her family or something? Grab her and get out. Stop making a scene in my office."

I did not even look at him.

I walked straight past the executives, grabbed Sophie by the arm, and pulled her safely behind my back.

Then, under the glaring eyes of the entire room, I pulled out my phone and slowly tapped open my calculator app.

"Let's crunch some numbers, shall we?"

My voice was not loud, but it carried a razor sharp edge that instantly silenced the chaotic room.

I turned the screen toward Marcus, letting a mocking smirk play on my lips.

"Manager Marcus. Let's start with you."

"Last month, you complained about wrist pain and 'borrowed' a forty dollar ergonomic mousepad from my sister. You said you'd return it in two days."

"Assuming eight hours of heavy daily use with a standard depreciation rate, across twenty two working days, that comes out to exactly fifty cents in wear and tear."

"Oh, and you also hijacked the premium Costa Rican coffee beans my sister brought back from her vacation, claiming you just wanted a 'quick taste'."

"At thirty grams of beans per cup, factoring in the specialty filter paper and the Evian water you insisted on using, that is three bucks a cup."

"You drank it every single morning for three months. Sixty six working days. That brings your coffee tab to one hundred and ninety eight dollars."

"Right, almost forgot. When your girl had her birthday last month, you swiped a bottle of Baccarat Rouge 540 from my sister's desk. A bottle she hadn't even dared to open for herself. You called it a 'workplace emergency'."

"That perfume runs three hundred and twenty dollars at Saks Fifth Avenue. I'll be generous and waive the interest."

The room was dead silent.

Marcus's face morphed from cherry red to a sickly gray, and finally to a furious purple. It was a spectacular color show.

He let out a low, guttural growl.

"Why the hell are you calculating all this! It is just petty office stuff. Are you insane!"

"Oh, it matters."

My smile grew blindingly sweet.

"Even the best of friends need clear ledgers."

I dismissed him entirely and shifted my gaze to a female colleague who had been snickering in the corner just moments ago.

"Jessica, right?"

"Last week, my sister fronted the bill for the department's afternoon pastry run. You specifically requested the artisanal matcha crepe cake. Twelve bucks."

"When my sister dropped her Venmo link in the group chat, did your finger 'accidentally' slip? Because you only sent her two dollars."

Jessica's smug smile froze on her perfectly contoured face. She stammered, unable to form a single word.

"You owe her ten bucks. Are you Venmoing her right now, or should I call the cops and report petty fraud?"

Under the amused and judging eyes of the entire room, Jessica's face burned crimson. She frantically pulled out her phone and sent the remaining ten dollars.

A crisp notification chime echoed in the room.

Like a queen inspecting her conquered territory, I paraded around the conference table with my phone raised high.

"Dave, my sister printed your quarterly report. Over three hundred pages. She used her own premium copy paper. Paper and ink costs come to five bucks. Pay up."

"And you, Sarah. My sister picked up your sweetgreen salads for six straight months. You covered the food cost occasionally, but the wear and tear on her insulated delivery bags is about twenty cents a day. Thirty six dollars total. Not unreasonable, right?"

Within ten minutes, my sister's phone was pinging like a slot machine hitting the jackpot.

Over a dozen transactions flowed in, ranging from a few bucks to a couple hundred.

The entire department, aside from Sophie, had their heads glued to the floor. Nobody dared to meet my eyes, and nobody dared to look at Marcus, who was now utterly isolated in the center of the room, shaking with pure rage.

Just then, Jessica suddenly stepped forward. She gently touched my arm, her face painting a picture of pure, heartfelt concern.

"Oh honey, you must be Sophie's sister. Please don't be so angry. We are all a work family here. We see each other every single day. Let's not ruin our lovely dynamic over some silly little pennies."