I'M HIS AND HIS MINE

From the back cover

It hurts to look at her.

It hurts to look at her smile knowing I'm not the cause for it. I like the way her cheeks tug towards her eyes whenever she smiles or laughs. That's when I know she means it. It hurts to see her walk into the arms of another man. It hurts to see her lips meet his in a kiss. It hurts to know she isn't mine.

I can't bring myself to call this love. Surely love isn't supposed to hurt like this? I know it's wrong to feel like this about her but I can't do anything about it...so I'm leaving. I need to run before I do something stupid that will hurt her...that will hurt my brother. Brad is one lucky son of a bitch. I hope he knows that.

I can see her from where I am sitting right now. It's graduation day. The day is finally here. I am sitting on the stage of the auditorium which is flooded with people. Of course, her face stands out in the crowd. She's sitting next to Brad with my parents, watching the class Valedictorian give her speech. I know she's here because of Brad and some of her senior friends but for a moment, I allow myself to pretend that she's here for me.

I can't pin point the exact moment I started to care so much for her. She was my friend before she became my brother's girlfriend. I liked her before Brad paid any attention to her. In a way, I know they're together because of me. I was their bridge. I should feel good about that, I suppose, but I don't. Thinking about it makes me sad. When did I become this depressed person? God knows I need the change of scenery. I can't wait for this to be over.