In This Life, I'll Grant Your Heartache Chapter 1

Eleanor Beaumont and I absolutely loathe each other. She detests me for killing my elder brother, Valerian Ashford, and I abhor her for sleeping with him while carrying my child.

Later, consumed by guilt, she petitions the king to make Valerian her prince consort and has the children I raised myself acknowledge him as their father.

Heartbroken, I petition for a divorce and curse her to never find the love she longs for.

In a fit of rage, she orders her men to break both my legs. She imprisons me in the rear courtyard, where she humiliates and torments me for 30 years.

But on the day the city falls and the palace goes up in flames, Eleanor helps me, frail and emaciated, to my feet and supports me step by step as we flee the palace, despite having taken seven arrows in her own body.

Even as death approaches, she shields me with her own body and begs through bloodstained tears, "Luke, I have wronged you. If there is a next life, I hope you'll give Val and me your blessing. Let's not torment each other anymore."

…

When I open my eyes again, I find myself back on the day of the Princess's Choosing. This time, Eleanor walks straight past me and places the pendant symbolizing her choice into Valerian's hands.

I bow, smile, and offer my congratulations. "Your Highness, I wish you and Valerian a lifetime of love and happiness."

This time, I will fulfill her lifelong wish. Be it in life or in death, I will never see her again.

* * *

After I wished the princess, Eleanor Beaumont, and my brother, Valerian Ashford, a lifetime of love and happiness, everyone in the hall turned to look at me in astonishment.

Everyone in Alderwyn knew that Eleanor had once climbed 3,000 stone steps through the snow to the gates of the Grand Cathedral of Alderwyn in search of the serenity stone for me, knocking relentlessly until they opened up.

She had also searched far and wide for famous physicians when I injured myself on the training grounds, and, disregarding all propriety, had stayed by my side for seven days and nights.

She had said that I was the only one she would ever marry, so everyone had assumed that the person standing beside her that day would be me.

I noticed Eleanor's eyes on me as well. But after a brief flicker of surprise, only coldness and wariness remained in her eyes.

In that instant, I understood—she had been reborn too.

In my past life, after Valerian died, she had looked at me the same way, as if she wished she could tear me into pieces. And all the more because his dying words had been, "Your Highness, if there is a next life, will you marry me?"

From that moment on, Eleanor and I spent an entire lifetime resenting and hating each other.

Every year, on the anniversary of Valerian's death, she forced me to get on my knees before his portrait and repent.

"You owe Val his life! You owe it to him for the rest of your days!"

She had even taught the children she had nearly died giving birth to—the very children I had raised with my own hands—not to acknowledge me.

They smashed the gifts I bought them and cried, "You killed Father! You don't deserve to be our dad!"

But later, when enemies breached the city, Eleanor, despite being shot by seven arrows, shielded me desperately, all just to beg me to give her and Valerian my blessing in the next life.

So now, I smiled with perfect calm. "Congratulations, Your Highness, on your betrothal to Valerian."

Eleanor's brows drew tightly together.

Then, Valerian stepped forward and patted me on the shoulder. "Luke, I know this is hard for you, but Her Highness' heart belongs to me. Don't blame her for choosing me."

The black opal bracelet on his wrist caught the light. It was the coming-of-age gift Grandfather had left me. Mother had forcibly taken it away yesterday, saying she would let Valerian have it because he needed to keep up appearances that day.

I drew my hand back. "You're right, Valerian. How could I possibly hold that against her?"

…

After the banquet dispersed, Eleanor stopped me in the palace corridor. She looked down at me and said, her voice cold and thin, "Lucien, Val is weak. He cannot bear the slightest grievance. If you harm him out of jealousy, I will show you no mercy, not even for old times' sake."

A bitter smile tugged at the corner of my lips as a bleak chill filled me.

In my past life, I had pacified the vassal kings' rebellions for the sake of marrying her, and I had also taken a poisoned arrow from an assassin for her. But in the end, all I got out of it was her telling me that she wouldn't spare me for old times' sake.

I lowered my eyes. "Your Highness, since you chose Valerian, I will most certainly give you my blessing."

Eleanor's expression stiffened. After a long moment, she said in a heavy voice, "Behave yourself, and I will petition to find you a decent match."

I turned and left without sparing her another glance.

…

The moment I got home and entered the courtyard, I saw Mother having several servants remove an amethyst ceremonial crown from my room.

I had saved three years of monthly stipends and entrusted someone to bring me the finest dawnstar pearls from Elaris to complement the amethyst, and had personally set each one to form the entwined roses on the crown's peak.

When Eleanor saw it back then, her eyes had lit up with delight, and she'd exclaimed, "Luke, when you wear this on our wedding day, it will symbolize us and the love we share! We will surely have a lifetime of happiness, never to be apart!"

My breath caught, and I instinctively moved to stop the servants from taking the crown.

But Mother shot me a glare, her gaze full of displeasure. "What do you think you're doing? You're no longer the candidate for the prince consort! This ceremonial crown will be perfect for Val. If you dare stir up any trouble before the wedding, I won't spare you!"

I clenched my teeth and slowly retreated to the side, saying nothing more.

After they left, I pulled out a wooden box from a hidden compartment under my bed. Inside lay a betrothal agreement written on a piece of yellowed parchment.

Three years ago, a woman had followed her father to war. But before she left, she had asked me if I would be willing to marry her when she returned.

At the time, Eleanor occupied my heart completely, so I'd never answered her question properly.

Now, I picked up my quill and wrote a reply.

"I will marry you. Are you still willing to marry me?"