Married To The Human Calculator Chapter 2

When I pushed open the front door, the house was, predictably, full.

Aunt Patty’s family was huddled around the dining table, shelling nuts. Uncle Gary and Aunt Brenda were dominating the living room couch, glued to the TV. Dad, Richard, was making tea, and Mom was slicing fruit.

Patty, the queen of family gossip, spotted me first. Her eyes immediately scanned my hands and the floor around me.

“Back from the big city, and you’re empty-handed?” Her voice, a low rumble, instantly commanded the room. “Shouldn’t you have brought a gift for every elder?”

Landon, hauling my large suitcase, stepped in just behind me. When he heard Patty’s question, he paused in the doorway and asked, with genuine curiosity:

“Is it a major holiday, or perhaps your birthday, ma’am?”

Patty stared blankly.

I clarified for her, a small, cold smile playing on my lips. “He’s asking if you expected a gratuitous, unearned handout.”

Patty’s face flushed scarlet. She pushed herself up from the table just as Mom emerged from the kitchen, a bowl of cut oranges in her hand.

Seeing me, Mom’s expression instantly froze, about to launch into a tirade. But her eyes landed on the tall, impeccably dressed Landon.

The transformation was immediate. The thundercloud vanished, replaced by a radiant sun.

“You must be Vera’s boyfriend, Landon! Come in, come in!” she chirped.

In an instant, we became the focus of the entire family’s attention. We were seated on the two plastic stools by the television, facing a semicircle of judgmental relatives. Mom poured tea and pushed the fruit toward Landon.

Aunt Patty, recovering from the insult, couldn’t help herself. “It’s different when you have backup, isn’t it? Having a whole family wait for you like this.”

“Wait for us?” I asked, confused. “We’re staying for a week. There’s no rush. You could all have come over tomorrow if you wanted to meet him.”

Patty, who had a young son from a late-in-life pregnancy, was usually putting him to bed around this hour.

Before she could respond, Aunt Brenda, the most financially aggressive of the lot, jumped in, peppering Landon with questions.

“What do you do? Big company? How much is your salary? I have to tell you, around here, the expectation for a down payment or a substantial ring…”

“Ahem. Ahem.” Uncle Gary, Brenda’s husband, discreetly interrupted her with a loud cough and frantic eye-signals. Brenda grudgingly clamped her mouth shut.

Mom, ever the mediator, tried a gentler approach. “Landon, why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself? How did you and Vera meet?”

Landon straightened his back slightly.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all. Vera and I met at a networking event. We share similar interests, and it developed from there,” he said smoothly. “I’m just a salaried employee. Work at a standard firm.”

Patty scoffed under her breath. “An ordinary office worker. I thought a college grad could do better than a nobody…”

A sudden gust of cool evening air swept in from the open balcony, chilling the forced enthusiasm of the room.

Mom tried to get the conversation back on track. “Do your parents mind that you’re spending the New Year with us?”

Landon smiled brightly. “My mother has my sister to keep her company, ma’am.” He watched the family's doubtful faces and added the crucial footnote. “My parents divorced a long time ago. My sister and I both chose to stay with Mom.”

I felt the need to step in and defend him. “He calls it a ‘standard firm,’ but actually—and his parents—”

Aunt Patty cut me off, her patience clearly gone. Her voice was sharp with dismissal. “You brought home this? I bet he doesn't have a house, and you’ll have to be stuck living with his mother and sister.”

She stood up abruptly. “Give me my cash gift. I have to get home to my son. This was a waste of time.”

“Cash gift?” I asked.

“Don’t you know proper etiquette? The first time you bring a boyfriend home, you give cash envelopes to the elders! What, did living in the city strip you of all courtesy?”

The penny dropped. They hadn’t been waiting for me. They had been waiting for a payout.