One Sleazy Word from the Green Tea, and I Dialled 911 Chapter 1

I'm a literal-minded legal fanatic, born without a hint of irony. When my mother joked that my father's antics made her want to die, I called 911 to report him for attempted murder. When my deskmate swore he’d tear his heart out for me, I pressed a surgical rib spreader to his chest and demanded he fulfill his "gift." Soon, no one dared use figurative language around me—in my presence, everyone became law-abiding and precise.

Then came my engagement party. My fiancé, Patrick Elkin, brought his stepsister Jessica—no blood relation, of course. They must have thought I wouldn’t dare ruin my own day. She smirked, "Eleanor, you have no idea how naughty my brother is in private. Last night he 'bullied' me until I was hoarse. With your frigid little body, you couldn’t last three minutes."

The room laughed—everyone but me. My eyes turned cold. In an instant, I pinned Patrick down, aimed pepper spray at his eyes, and announced: "Hands behind your head! I’ve called the police. You just confessed to false imprisonment and battery—that’s ten years minimum. Nobody leaves until they arrive."

* * *

"Who called it in?" the lead officer asked.

"I did." I presented my ID. "The suspect is Patrick Elkin, male, twenty-six years old."

"He just publicly admitted to committing an act of sexual battery against his stepsister, Jessica, last night," I stated, my voice clinical. "The act resulted in damage to the victim's vocal cords."

"All twenty-four people present can serve as witnesses."

Jessica, still perched on the sofa with a half-empty glass of red wine, froze. Her mouth hung open in a perfect O.

Patrick struggled violently beneath me.

"Fuck! You dare touch me!"

"Eleanor Vance, are you out of your goddamn mind?"

"It's called banter! Banter, do you understand the concept?"

I increased the pressure of my knee on his back, and Patrick let out a howl.

"Officer, the suspect is agitated and displaying violent tendencies," I said calmly. "Requesting the use of handcuffs."

The officers exchanged bewildered glances.

Finally, one of Patrick's friends, a guy named Chad, snapped out of his stupor and rushed forward to pull me off.

"Eleanor, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Jessica was joking!"

"Everyone knows Patrick and Jessica are close! What's wrong with a little dirty talk?"

I sidestepped Chad's grasp and pointed a finger at his nose.

"Do you want to go to jail with him?"

"Harboring a criminal, obstruction of justice. Up to three years."

Chad snatched his hand back.

Jessica, regaining her senses, burst into tears and threw herself at the officers.

"Officers, it's a misunderstanding! It's really a misunderstanding!"

"My brother and I were just kidding around."

"My voice is hoarse because... because I was singing all night!"

"Not because he 'bullied' me!"

Expressionless, I played a recording on my phone. Jessica's voice filled the room.

"My brother is so naughty in private."

"Last night, he 'bullied' me in his room until my voice was hoarse."

I hit pause.

"According to the Penal Code and its judicial interpretations," I recited, "the term 'bullied' in this specific context can refer to sexual acts performed against a woman's will."

"You have stated the time, place, and consequence. This constitutes a standard self-reported criminal complaint."

I looked at the police. "I request that the victim, Jessica, be taken to a hospital immediately for a forensic gynecological examination and an injury assessment. And to collect any residual DNA evidence from her body."

Jessica's face went deathly pale.

Patrick roared, "Examine my ass! I never touched her!"

"We were playing video games all night!"

I sneered. "A moment ago, it was 'banter.' Now it's 'video games.'"

"Inconsistent testimony points to a high degree of suspicion."

"Officer, this is highly problematic. I suggest you take them both in for questioning."

They slapped a pair of silver bracelets on Patrick's wrists. As they led him past me, he glared, his eyes burning with hate.

"Eleanor Vance, you just fucking wait."

"You ruined our engagement party."

"If you don't get on your knees and lick my shoes clean, you can forget about ever marrying me!"

I smoothed my collar.

"According to the Public Order Act, threatening or intimidating another person is punishable by up to five days detention and a fine."

"Officers, you all heard that."

Patrick was shoved into the police cruiser. Jessica, sobbing almost to the point of fainting, was helped into another car by a female officer. Before the door closed, she looked back at me, her eyes filled with pure venom.

The remaining guests in the private room stared at each other. No one dared to speak.

I picked up my purse and scanned the room.

"Group sex is also a crime," I said evenly.

"Behave yourselves."

I turned and walked out. Behind me, I heard the sound of Chad smashing a glass against the wall.