Taking Things Literally Chapter 1

Since childhood, I’ve been a stubborn "literalist" who doesn’t understand jokes.

When my grandmother said I was found in a dumpster, I taped "Missing Mother" flyers on every trash can for a week.

When a boy remarked my wide hips were good for bearing sons, I went to his house and measured his mother’s hips for comparison.

People soon learned not to joke around me—my presence made rooms polite and terrified.

Then came my engagement, and my fiancé’s "just one of the guys" best friend.

At a pre-wedding party, during Truth or Dare, she smirked:

"Sloane, Julian has a mole on his inner thigh—it’s pretty when he’s... exerting himself."

The room froze, then erupted in laughter.

I set down my glass, looked at my smirking fiancé, and said calmly:

"Take off your pants. I need to verify that."

* * *

The laughter in the VIP suite died instantly.

Kelly looked at me, stunned by my directness. She let out an awkward, high-pitched laugh.

"Sloane, oh my god, you aren't actually mad, are you?"

"We're just playing a game! I just dropped a little bombshell to spice up the mood. You don't have to be so serious. You're making Julian look bad."

I slammed my phone onto the marble table.

I hit play. The two sentences she had just spoken began to loop on high volume.

I grinned at her, watching the blood drain from her face.

"Sorry," I said, my voice flat. "But I don't do comedy."

"I'm going to strip Julian right now. If I find that mole exactly where you described it, that’s proof of infidelity before marriage. I will post the photos to both the Lister and Vance family group chats. On repeat."

The groomsmen gasped in unison.

Julian’s face turned a violent shade of red.

He struggled to break free from my grip—I had grabbed his belt—and snatched a jacket from one of his friends to cover his crotch.

He looked at me like he wanted to strangle me.

"Sloane! Have you lost your mind?"

"Kelly and I grew up together! We bathed together as toddlers! There isn't an inch of me she hasn't seen!"

"Are you really going to ruin everything over a harmless joke?"

Ah, the classic defense.

As if the word "joke" was a Get Out of Jail Free card. As if saying it meant I had to swallow any disrespect they served me.

Unfortunately, they didn't know me well enough.

I unlocked my phone and opened a video call recording from yesterday. It was from Kelly.

In the video, the "tomboy" girl wasn't acting like a bro. She was wearing translucent, seductive lingerie, panning the camera to show a sleeping man next to her.

You could only see the man's side profile, but the implication was clear. Her eyes in the video were full of provocation.

"Sloane, I heard you're engaging to the Vance family."

"Too bad you'll never match my place in Julian's heart. Bet you anything that on your wedding night, he'll be wishing he was with me."

I AirDropped the video to everyone in the room.

"Enjoy the details," I said.

"Is this a joke too? If it were you, could you accept your partner having a 'best friend' who sends videos like this to his fiancée?"

The men I pointed at looked away, suddenly finding the floor patterns fascinating. They didn't dare breathe.

I pointed a manicured finger at Kelly.

"You. Speak."

"If your boyfriend had a 'brother' like this, would you tolerate it?"

Kelly trembled.

She cast a desperate, pleading look at Julian.

But Julian was staring at her in shock. clearly, he hadn't known she was bold enough to record him sleeping and taunt me with it.

Kelly bit her lower lip until it turned white.

Finally, looking like a martyr, she bowed deeply to me.

"I'm sorry, Sloane."

"Sending that video really was just a prank. I... I just wanted to test if you trusted Julian enough."

She dragged out the word test, loading it with unspoken meaning.

Seeing the stiffness in Julian's face melt away, Kelly knew she had survived. Tears began to stream down her face instantly.

"I hope you can forgive me. I won't bother you again. I'll keep my distance from Julian."

Before I could speak, my fiancé—my fiancé—rushed forward to help her up.

He looked at me with disappointment.

"Alright, Sloane. Kelly explained it. You've made your scene. Can we drop it now?"

"Because of you, the party is ruined. Isn't that enough?"

"If this engagement is called off, your family's business will suffer too. I suggest you learn your place and behave yourself."

He supported the sobbing Kelly, who looked like she was about to faint from dehydration, and walked her out of the room.

The rest of the "bros" looked at each other, then scrambled to follow him. They left me with glances ranging from pity to schadenfreude.

I sat alone in the mess, the corners of my lips curling up.

Julian was right about one thing.

My family's business did need this merger. Which meant this game... could continue.